Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia (with Michael Winn) was my first introduction to the wisdom of making love without striving for orgasm. Chia, a neo-Daoist master, teaches men another way to manage their sexual energy, as well as the weakness in humanity’s current habits. His book greatly expanded my understanding of my role as a lover, helping me to become a safer lover.

However, even before I stumbled upon the ancient account of Daoist lovemaking in the work ascribed to the famous Daoist sage, Laozi (Lao Tzu), I realized that there was an inherent inconsistency in Chia’s teachings. The mystical, merging experience which he calls “the valley orgasm” is a state of “not doing.” Yet, much of Chia’s book is about performance-oriented techniques, such as clenching the teeth, the buttocks and the muscles around the prostate gland, counting intercourse strokes, and so forth. These vigorous measures permit a skilled man to approach the edge of orgasm, and then maintain his control sufficiently to make love rather vigorously…indefinitely. Read more