Your relationship is not there to make you happy. It is not there to satisfy your needs. It is not there to help you escape your loneliness. Its purpose is not for you to procreate, although you might. It is not there to provide you with a tax break, although you should take that. It is certainly not there for you to exploit, by exerting power and control over the other. It is not there to hold together the so called moral fiber of society. It is not there because God mandates it. It is not there for divine male and divine female to merge through you and your partner. It is not there to play with Kundalini, although can be used for that. It is there as the mirror in which to see yourself clearly. That’s it. Read more

Going back to the basics can bear great gifts, especially in love and sex. Let’s remember some of the teachings mom gave us on our way. “Look into people’s eyes as you speak with them,” she said. “Be respectful to others. Listen carefully when someone talks with you,” she insisted. “And never interrupt.” This wisdom turns out to be quite useful, especially in our love relationships.

One of our first tantric practices as a couple was a deceptively simple communication experiment about how we like to be loved — physically, emotionally and spiritually. It goes like this: Steve asks me the question, “How do you like to be loved?” I answer as Steve listens, without commentary. If I don’t answer, he will ask the same question again. After 10 minutes, we switch roles, asking and answering the same question.

Are you willing to invest 10 minutes into your love life? Read more

Taoism, Hinduism, Buddhism, North American Quodoshka, and others, hold secrets to creating fulfilling love and intimacy that are not known to the Western world. One of these ancient traditions is Tantra which was born over 5000 years ago in East India and practiced by people that called themselves tantriks or tantrikas. You might wonder “What is it and how does it work?”

Here is a taste of what it’s all about: In the Western world we look at our bodies, relationships and life in a way that is often compartmentalized. For example, we think of sexuality being separate from spirituality – as manifested in our bodies and our practices. In Tantra a possibility is offered that teaches how to integrate one’s sexual with one’s spiritual energies. This allows for a divine experience with oneself and ultimately with a partner. Rediscovering our innate energies that are sexual-spiritual in nature we then are able to express ourselves more fully – free from constraints and habitual patterns, e.g., shame, guilt, fear, suppression or obsession. And this in turn allows us to experience our full potential of pleasure and creativity. Read more